Monthly Archives: September 2013

GO AWAY!

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This picture makes me laugh eveytime I see it.  But it’s also a great reminder of one of the first tools I learned in therapy. Lable the feeling as anxiety and move on. See before I found out about my disease, I spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to figure out why I was anxious. Doing that would wind me up, or convince me I was more stressed about a situation than I really was. Rick worked with me to say “oh this is anxiety.  It is a result of the chemistry in my brian. Do some breathing and continue with your day”

Does it make the anxiety go away? No. But it does help manage it.

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Welcome back–to myself

I feel like I was born to write…it’s one of the few things I truly enjoy doing.  So how come I let it fall to the end of my “to-do” list? Some of the things it falls behind make sense….work, laundry, exercising, eating.  But what about the other things? Those time wasting things I do!  Reading dumb books, watching mindless TV, browsing my some e-cards app.  I know that people with mental illness do not have the lock-down on this issue with distraction—the billions of dollars Facebook is worth is proof of that.

So, while it’s nice to know I’m in good company—I want to take back my writing! How can I do that?!  Well—like a true student of CBT, I am attempting to get to the root of why I stopped.

  1. I was truly too busy. I was over stressed with a high impact job and looking for a new one. Then my mother-in-law got diagnosed with cancer and I want to focus on spending time with her.
  2. I need to loosen my expectations on myself.  While a deep fantasy might be that one day I become famous, make lots of money, and retire early—well that’s not realistic. No wonder I quit blogging if I’m pressuring myself with that.

So what I decided is that I need to remind myself why I started blogging in the first place.  It was for me—and my support system to better understand me.  It was a way for me to work out things going through my head and on in my life.

But mostly, because it makes me happy. Because when I read back what I wrote—I make myself laugh. Because when I look back at things I’ve gone through I feel good about myself. Because sometimes I’m need to be reminded of the lessons I learned in the past—so I quit repeating the same mistakes.

Because for a moment in time when I do it, I’m ok with the fact that I’m bipolar. I’m ok with the fact that my life is going to have struggles that are related to my illness. I’m ok cutting myself some slack and admitting it’s not my fault.

So for anyone who still gets these notification emails—(mostly mom and dad ;))  I give you permission  to bug me, though I would prefer bribes, about writing. I ask you to encourage me—remind me that it’s healthy for me—and remind me that it makes me happy.

And hopefully—between all of us, I make it a habit again.